Crimson Wave / Code Red / Aunt Flo / Leak Week…

AKA PERIODS.

Their shitty, they hurt, it’s a huge inconvenience, NO you can’t climb a mountain and continue smiling like the socially deranged woman does in the advert. It’s a huge lump of steaming bullshit that all women have to deal with. Until the moment it changes over to a menopause and then that’s a brand new whirlwind of hot flush, sudden anger and wetting yourself, that thoroughly look forward.

It’s started to really grumble at me that this is still a stigma in today’s society!

***DISCLAIMER : IT’S MORE NATURAL THAN MASTURBATION YET WE SPEAK ABOUT THAT MORE THAN WE DO OVULATION!***

Why is it frowned upon for me to answer a “what’s wrong?” “are you okay?” with a “no, i’m not i’m on my fucking period”. Okay, maybe the swear word is a step to far but still! I should be able to say that i’m not ‘poorly‘ i’m menstruating and it’s completely natural!

It angers me that Women talking about something that affects their entire body and lifestyle, is something to keep hush about…? I’m not the only one that is confused by this, right?

I put it to you all to say, “I can’t go rollerblading today, I’m menstruating” “I will not put up with your childish bullshit today I have blood firing out of my vagina”. The reaction will be extreme at first but the more we normalize this the less it will be classed as an excuse!

I have found slight comfort in all this GRL PWR circulating the earth atm (what a time to be alive) and the comfort I have found is this…

Self Belief.

I was looking back over my Instagram feed, I know very 21st Century of me, and I discovered that this time 2 years ago I had my shit together. I was organised, my outfits were on point, my makeup was on point, my wit and sarcasm was little to non existent but I was fresh outta Uni, I was a child.

It took me a while to realize the pattern but just around that time was when I started to have ‘issues’ with my Feminine Parts. I started to develop signs of Endometriosis (which after months of tests I don’t have, phew). Constant period pain that didn’t pigeon hole itself to my actual period week. It’s still something I suffer with on almost a daily basis, crippling lower back pain that feels like a small man has a Bunsen burner held next to your lower back, not fun. It was the time when everything started to stop working in the way nature intended and it started to have a mind of it’s own. No, no Uterus. You have to consult with the brain and the heart before you go off making decisions like a big girl.

This hormone imbalance began to seriously mess with not only with my physical state but also with my mental state. Being a musician and a creative person I know a fair amount of people who suffer or have suffered with Anxiety! It always sounds so disabling and lonely, and I have discovered that is most certainly the case! It’s my first encounter with anxiety and it’s crippling, almost as crippling as the lower back pain. I started doubting every decision I made, I started looking at myself and my body in a disapproving angry light. I became and still am not a very nice person to be around and points (and to all my family and friends who have had to deal with that, I am sorry).

The bathroom floor has become the only place where I can control these attacks! But, my feeling with this is, I cannot control my hormones (other than putting pills into my body which I will not do ) so why am I trying to fight them. It seems that this anxiety is attached to my periods which is just a gross twist of fate that mother nature has decided I’m big enough and ugly enough to deal with!

So in my quest to find Self Belief I have learnt, 3 things;

  1. I look SO much better with short hair.
  2. Don’t fight something you can’t control.
  3. Periods are shit, but we get them because we are strong enough to deal with them!

This was half me angry at the stigmas attached to periods and half me venting about how shitty anxiety makes you feel.

It makes little to no sense, but I hope at least some of you can relate.

L

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